Supporting Loved Ones with OCD: Breaking the Cycle of Isolation
Written By Dr. Melissa Jermann
OCD is often misrepresented in popular culture, reduced to a punchline, or misunderstood as a love for cleanliness or orderliness.
For many of my clients, the journey of living with OCD is not just about managing intrusive thoughts/images and compulsions—it’s also about battling the isolation that comes from a lack of understanding and support. OCD is often misrepresented in popular culture, reduced to a punchline, or misunderstood as a love for cleanliness or orderliness. In reality, OCD is a complex mental health condition characterized by intrusive thoughts or images (i.e., obsessions) and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (i.e., compulsions) aimed at reducing anxiety or other uncomfortable emotions. These symptoms can vary widely in severity and manifestation, but they all share a common thread of causing extreme distress and disruption to daily life.
One of the most challenging aspects of living with OCD is the pervasive sense of isolation. Unlike more visibly apparent conditions, OCD, like most mental health diagnoses, can be a silent battle. Many individuals with OCD primarily experience mental compulsions, making it difficult for others to recognize their struggles. Finding support outside of therapy is problematic for two reasons:
First, loved ones don’t know how to give support without reassurance. Friends and family may offer well-intentioned advice of “Just stop worrying about it” or “It’s going to be fine; that won’t happen,” unaware that OCD operates beyond simple rationalization. This lack of understanding can exacerbate feelings of isolation as those with OCD struggle to find validation for their experiences. I understand that if you don’t have OCD, it can be hard to understand someone else’s experience with the disorder. However, I want you to try to imagine your worst possible fear coming true and the emotions that would bring up for you. Now, imagine your brain telling you to engage in certain behavioral or mental acts to prevent that from coming true or figure out how to stop it. It would be pretty hard to resist that. Or imagine your brain telling you that you are secretly an abuser and you’re hiding it from everyone. It would be hard to resist trying to mentally disprove that to yourself. OCD can feel like being trapped in a loop of obsessions and trying to escape them while being unable to shake the fear that something terrible will happen if you don’t.
Second, the nature of OCD itself can hinder seeking support from loved ones. Some individuals are reluctant to disclose their intrusive thoughts, which can be taboo or socially unacceptable, even when these thoughts are a symptom of their diagnosis rather than a reflection of their actual values or desires. This shame and fear of judgment can drive individuals deeper into isolation, avoiding discussions that could provide much-needed support.
Many clients talk to me in session about how they want to get support from others but don’t know how to ask and receive help skillfully. This is why I wanted to create a blog post on this topic! Ultimately, breaking the cycle of isolation requires a collective effort from both the individual with OCD and their loved ones, utilizing psychoeducation, skills, self-awareness, and consistency. If someone you care about has OCD, here are some key ways to support them:
Educate Yourself: Take the time to learn about OCD beyond stereotypes and misconceptions. Understand that OCD is not just about cleanliness or orderliness—it involves uncomfortable emotions (e.g., anxiety, guilt, shame) and obsessional fears that drive compulsions. It is essential to understand that intrusive thoughts (no matter the content) are just thoughts! They do not reflect an individual’s character, values, beliefs, or desires. I often have clients’ loved ones read my blog posts and resources on the International OCD Foundation (IOCDF) website.
Listen Non-Judgmentally: Create a safe space for your loved one to share their experiences without fear of judgment. Resist the urge to dismiss or rationalize their concerns or tell them to “just stop” their thoughts/behaviors, as this oversimplifies their experiences. During this time, it is crucial that the individual with OCD not seek reassurance for their obsessions but instead talk about how difficult it can be to manage symptoms and sit with uncertainty.
Offer Emotional Support & Validation: This is one of the most important aspects of supporting a loved one! You can support and validate the emotions that come with OCD and not reassure the obsession. Emotional support and validation for OCD can sound like this:
– “I understand that OCD is causing a lot of anxiety for you right now. I’m here for you; let’s sit in the anxiety together.”
– “I hear how much discomfort you’re experiencing. What do you need from me besides reassurance?”
– “I understand that OCD is making these thoughts feel so real and scary. Let’s use skills together to give OCD irrelevance.”
– “I’m so proud of you for making the extremely difficult choice of tolerating these tough emotions instead of seeking relief.”
Respect Boundaries: Understand that individuals with OCD may not always want to discuss their symptoms or intrusive thoughts, especially if they are taboo or distressing. Respect their boundaries and let them decide when and how much they want to share. The individual with OCD must consult their therapist to discuss how to share their intrusive thoughts skillfully.
Be Patient and Understanding: Recovery from OCD is often a gradual process. Be patient with setbacks and celebrate small victories along the way. Understand that treatment may involve therapy, medication, or a combination of both, and support their journey without pressure or expectations of quick fixes!
Encourage Self-Care or Shared Activities: Help your loved one prioritize self-care practices that promote mental well-being, such as regular exercise, adequate sleep, and therapy skills. OCD will typically attach to values, making it difficult for the individual to connect to what is important to them. Offer to participate in activities they enjoy to help them connect to their values and stay mindfully present.
Resist Reassurance & Enabling Behaviors: While it’s essential to be emotionally supportive, avoid participating in rituals or giving reassurance to enable their OCD. This can unintentionally reinforce their symptoms and make it harder for them to break the cycle independently. Many loved ones will tell me that it feels “cruel” or “wrong” to resist helping in compulsion or giving reassurance because the individual with OCD is experiencing so much emotional pain. It’s important to note that it takes skills of emotional regulation and distress tolerance from a loved one to sit in OCD symptoms, too. It is much easier to give into OCD symptoms so you can both go back to feeling more grounded. Unfortunately, this delays the process of recovery. It’s essential to remind yourself and your loved one with OCD that you are both tolerating short-term discomfort for long-term success. Again, this is why I stress the importance of emotional support. You don’t have to be cold or harsh when your loved one comes to you seeking reassurance. You can provide emotional support and validate how hard their experience is AND set the boundary of not engaging with OCD. I will note here that the individual with OCD also needs to respect the boundaries set by the loved one, which can be challenging! Boundary setting can sound like:
– “I understand that OCD is really chatty right now and wants answers. I will not give you those answers, but I will be here with you in the discomfort.”
– “I hear you that OCD wants me to engage in this compulsion with you right now. Are you willing to resist it with me and focus back on the present moment?”
– “I want to listen about your struggles with OCD, but right now, it sounds like you’re seeking reassurance. Let’s come back to it once this trigger has passed.”
Be Flexible: Understand that OCD symptoms can fluctuate over time. Be prepared to adapt your support strategies based on their current needs and challenges. I also want to acknowledge that sometimes you will give your loved one reassurance or help them engage in a compulsion. It is impossible to provide support perfectly. You are a human, just like your loved one with OCD. You will both make mistakes and learn from them while continuing to flexibly adapt and grow together!
Celebrate Progress: Engaging in ERP and managing OCD is HARD WORK! Acknowledge and celebrate their efforts in managing their symptoms and working towards recovery. Offer encouragement and praise for their courage in resisting compulsions, engaging in exposures, and connecting to their values. Remember, it’s important to celebrate their behavior as opposed to the reduction of symptoms. The goal is not to get rid of OCD but instead, learn to live a values-based life with it.
Seek Support for Yourself: Supporting someone with OCD can be emotionally overwhelming at times. Don’t hesitate to seek support for yourself from friends, family, or a therapist. Taking care of your well-being and emotions allows you to be a more effective source of support for your loved one. If you do seek a therapist, try to find an OCD specialist so they can understand your loved one’s symptoms and offer you practical skills.
By taking these steps, you can play a vital role in breaking the cycle of isolation and creating a supportive environment where your loved one feels understood, accepted, and empowered in their journey towards managing OCD!
© 2025 Dr. Melissa Jermann Psychology Services LLC - All Rights Reserved - Disclaimer: This site should not be construed as therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. Interaction with this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. This blog aims to provide general information for educational purposes only. It is not intended or implied to supplement or replace the advice of your mental health professional. This information should not be used to self-diagnose mental health conditions. Consult with your mental health provider before implementing anything read here.
