CHOOSE: A Framework for Decision Paralysis
Written By Dr. Melissa Jermann
The CHOOSE framework offers a practical approach to overcoming decision paralysis by breaking down the process into manageable steps.
Many of my clients who deal with OCD, anxiety, or perfectionism will describe decision-making as overwhelming. Even the most minor decisions can feel incredibly daunting, which leads to avoidance, procrastination, and a feeling of “stuckness.” I like to label this feeling of “stuckness” as decision paralysis.
This frustrating experience stems from several sources: first, we are unclear on the difference between the authentic choices we want to make vs. what we think we “should” do. These “should” statements can be related to self or societal pressure, such as comparing yourself to others. There may also be discomfort in embracing what your authentic self wants due to fear of judgment or failure. When our valued life path is unclear, it is challenging to make consistent choices that align with what we want. Second, I notice many clients setting unrealistic goals around a decision. When our expectations are too high for what we can realistically accomplish, there is no way we will approach it. This can stem from perfectionism, meaning we only experience feelings of self-worth when achieving goals. (see my article Unpacking Perfectionism for more information).
The third issue is searching for the decision that feels “right” and comfortable. This is one of the most essential patterns to discuss because this is primarily what keeps us stuck. When faced with a difficult choice, it’s common to get stuck in the “freeze” state of the fight/flight/freeze response, waiting for one option to feel less anxiety-provoking. So, we continue to ruminate about the choices or avoid them altogether, hoping we will eventually find relief and be able to make a decision. The hard truth is that when both choices elicit discomfort, waiting for that perfect “right” feeling will only keep us stuck. This leads to the next issue of anxiety or doubt clouding our ability to effectively evaluate our options because we are looking for the option with the least discomfort rather than the one that aligns most with our values. Lastly, I often notice clients sway back and forth between options. One week, they are set on one goal, and the next, it changes to the other. There is a fear of making the “wrong” choice and having regret over their decision. Typically, the thought process here is “If I make the “right” decision, I won’t have future regret.” The thought of having to experience future regret is so anxiety-provoking to individuals that they will do anything in their power not to feel it. However, these unhelpful thinking patterns and avoidance of discomfort keep us stuck, which reinforces our self-doubt and anxiety.
Given these behavior patterns I have noticed within my clients, I wanted to develop a framework that could help give clarity and structure to those struggling with decision-making. The CHOOSE framework offers a practical approach to overcoming decision paralysis by breaking down the process into manageable steps:
Clarify Values & Decision: Start by defining your core values and understanding your decision. You can clarify your values with your therapist or find materials online. This ensures that your choice aligns with what truly matters to you. Individuals with OCD & perfectionism can have a difficult time determining what their “true” values are. There may be questions like, “Well, how do I know this is MY value and not OCD?” Or “How do I know this is the “right” value to have?” It’s important to remember that part of this exercise is about building self-trust and embracing trial and error. We are taking the risk to trust ourselves in this moment when clarifying our values while also acknowledging that they can change and look different over time. When engaging in a values exercise in therapy or on your own, a helpful question to ask yourself is – “If I didn’t have intrusive thoughts, anxiety, or self-doubt, what would I want to connect to in my life right now?” You also want to be able to clarify the decision at hand. You can do this by writing out the choices using only descriptive facts and not focusing on the feelings attached to them.
Have Realistic Goals: Setting realistic goals is crucial in the decision-making process. When a goal is set too high for our capabilities at the moment, it often leads to anxiety, indecision, and then avoidance. By breaking your decisions into smaller, realistic steps, you reduce the pressure and make the process more manageable. For example, take the question, “Do I get a new job?” This decision can feel overwhelming if we set our expectations high at the beginning of this process. Breaking this decision down into smaller pieces would look like 1. Scan the job market for 15 minutes per day, 2. Work on your resume for 20 minutes per day, and 3. Apply to 3 jobs for 30 minutes per day. Breaking down this decision into smaller steps allows you to approach the goal and become more curious if you want to move forward with the decision. You will also feel proud of yourself, which leads you to be positively reinforced to continue moving forward!
Observe Discomfort: If you’re trying to make a decision different from your usual behavior/goals, your brain will not like this! Our brains love consistency and familiarity, so when we want to change something, we will feel uncomfortable. It’s essential to separate the feelings of anxiety or doubt from the thoughts, “I am making the wrong choice” or “I can’t do this.” Remember, feelings are NOT facts. Anxiety does a great job of making you believe that you can not handle change because it is trying to keep you safe in familiarity. The only way through this is to acknowledge, accept, and separate from the uncomfortable feelings AND continue to move forward while feeling them.
Option Analysis: Once you learn to acknowledge your discomfort around the decision, it’s time to consider all available options. This will look like weighing the pros and cons and how they do/don’t align with your goals and values. Again, we want to separate from feelings of anxiety and doubt while looking at the facts of the options. For those struggling with OCD and perfectionism, I encourage you to put a time limit on this to avoid ineffective rumination and problem-solving. For example, a goal would be to sit down for 20 minutes and write out a pros/cons list, and when the timer goes off, you are skillfully disengaging and shifting to another activity. Your brain will likely want to ruminate on this for hours to seek comfort in the choice. However, remember that this process will feel uncomfortable, and ineffective rumination will only continue reinforcing the stuckness!
Settle on a Decision: After mindful consideration, commit to your decision. It’s crucial to move forward while embracing agency, even if the choice isn’t entirely comfortable. Agency is having faith in yourself despite feelings of anxiety or doubt. You are intentionally telling yourself that I believe this choice aligns with my values and I can handle any problems or discomfort this choice may bring.
Endure and Stay the Course: Finally, stay committed to your decision. Remember you are choosing to trust yourself and give irrelevance to the anxiety and doubt that comes up when sticking to your path. Staying the course is the only way to develop self-trust and resilience in future decision-making.
By following the CHOOSE framework, you can break free from decision paralysis and move forward with clarity and agency. After reading this article, you might think, “Great, now I know how to make the right choice, and I won’t regret anything!” Unfortunately, making mistakes and having regret is part of the human experience, and this framework does not guarantee that you will make the “right” choice. On the contrary, it’s a reminder that no choice will feel entirely “right,” and the goal is to try your best to make a decision that aligns with your values. At the same time, embrace that you will make mistakes, but no matter what comes up after making this decision, you believe in yourself to handle it!
© 2025 Dr. Melissa Jermann Psychology Services LLC - All Rights Reserved - Disclaimer: This site should not be construed as therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. Interaction with this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. This blog aims to provide general information for educational purposes only. It is not intended or implied to supplement or replace the advice of your mental health professional. This information should not be used to self-diagnose mental health conditions. Consult with your mental health provider before implementing anything read here.
