The Secret Ingredient in OCD Treatment: The Power of Self-Compassion
Written By Dr. Melissa Jermann
“Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.”
When it comes to managing Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), particularly with taboo intrusive thoughts, the inner dialogue we maintain around them can either fuel OCD or facilitate recovery. Many individuals with OCD fall into patterns of self-criticism, believing that their intrusive thoughts are a reflection of who they are. However, research consistently shows that self-compassion can be a transformative tool in OCD treatment, which is why it is one of the main tools I utilize with my clients!
What is Self-Compassion?
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneer in self-compassion research, defines it as “being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.” She discusses how self-compassion involves three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. Self-kindness means being gentle with ourselves when we encounter pain or failure rather than harshly judging ourselves. Common humanity involves recognizing that suffering and feelings of inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. Mindfulness requires holding our painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness rather than over-identifying or fusing with them, which is a common experience for those with OCD.
When discussing this topic it’s also important to mention Dr. Brené Brown, a leading voice in the study of vulnerability, courage, and shame. She states, “compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals.” This perspective is crucial in OCD treatment, where folks often feel alienated from themselves and others due to their intrusive thoughts. Self-compassion fosters a sense of connection rather than isolation, helping individuals understand that experiencing intrusions (e.g., thoughts, images, urges) and uncomfortable emotions doesn’t make them flawed—it makes them human.
The Benefits of Self-Compassion
Research highlights numerous benefits of self-compassion, including increased emotion regulation. Self-compassion fosters emotional resilience, allowing individuals to face distressing experiences without becoming emotionally overwhelmed. Think about it — when you’re experiencing an uncomfortable emotion like anxiety, then you engage in self-critical talk, you’re not only going to stay stuck in your anxiety, but you’re also now eliciting shame on top of it. So now you’ll experience more emotion dysregulation, keeping you stuck in a negative cycle. Many individuals I work with view self-compassion as “making excuses” or “letting yourself off the hook,” there is fear that if they are kind to themselves, everything will fall apart. This is a big reason why folks hold onto their inner critic so strongly: fear of failure or losing control. However, self-compassion doesn’t mean ditching your goals or values; it means validating and being kind to yourself during life’s tough moments as you continue to strive towards what matters to you.
For those with OCD, especially when dealing with taboo themes, self-compassion can help reduce the shame and guilt that often accompany intrusive thoughts. It won’t take the intrusions or discomfort away, but it can help you tolerate them! Self-compassion also promotes healthier coping mechanisms, reducing reliance on avoidance behaviors and compulsions. Moreover, self-compassion has been shown to activate the parasympathetic nervous system and aid in heart rate variability (HRV), which helps regulate stress responses and fosters a sense of safety. This physiological benefit is particularly valuable in OCD treatment, where individuals are often activating their sympathetic nervous system (i.e., fight-or-flight) response and stress hormones, such as cortisol.
The Link Between Self-Compassion and OCD
The OCD cycle between intrusions and compulsions will thrive on self-invalidation and emotional dysregulation. When folks harshly judge themselves for their intrusive thoughts, they feed into feelings of shame and anxiety. This emotional turmoil often leads to more compulsive behaviors and rumination, trapping them further in the OCD cycle. Conversely, self-compassion provides a buffer against this spiral. By acknowledging intrusive thoughts without judgment, individuals can reduce emotional reactivity and break the OCD cycle! Again, self-compassion isn’t going to get rid of symptoms of OCD, but it can help you cope with them more effectively, which ultimately will help you engage in skillful Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). Below, I have listed five ways self-compassion can support your OCD recovery.
Five Ways Self-Compassion Can Help in OCD Treatment
Normalizing Intrusive Thoughts: Recognizing that intrusive thoughts are a universal human experience (yes, even taboo ones!) helps reduce the stigma and self-judgment associated with them. Self-compassion allows individuals to accept these thoughts without allowing them to define their character or self-worth. Embracing the concept “I am not my thoughts” is one of the most powerful statements in OCD treatment.
Reducing Shame: Shame from self-criticism is powerful and fuels OCD and emotion dysregulation. Self-compassion counters self-criticism and shame by fostering self-acceptance and understanding, reducing the emotional intensity of OCD symptoms.
Enhancing Emotional Regulation: Self-compassion practices like meditation, journaling, and compassionate/encouraging self-talk help regulate emotions. Practicing consistent emotion regulation tools like these helps us avoid extreme emotion dysregulation, which sets us up to engage in ERP!
Supporting Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP): ERP, a gold-standard treatment for OCD, can be challenging since we are purposely bringing on distress! When we are already in those extreme heightened arousal states (8-10/10 on the distress scale) due to self-criticism and self-invalidation, engaging in skills like response prevention is impossible. Self-compassion provides the emotional resilience needed to engage in ERP.
Promoting Long-Term and Consistent Recovery: As we know, intrusive thoughts and uncomfortable urges/emotions don’t go away, and setbacks are part of the recovery process! Self-compassion encourages a growth mindset, helping folks view setbacks as part of the human experience. Being able to show up for yourself and be kind during challenging moments will help get you out of setbacks faster than self-criticism.
Final Thoughts
Many of you may be thinking that self-criticism and shame feel so automatic and that breaking away from this is impossible. That’s very normal, and it’s okay. The goal is to create more mindfulness around your inner critic and look at those thoughts as separate from yourself. At first, kindly speaking to yourself may feel “phony” or “inauthentic.” This is because your brain is not used to hearing self-compassion, so, of course, it will feel uncomfortable! With mindfulness and disciplined practice, the inner critic’s voice starts to get quieter, and self-compassion becomes your new normal.
Incorporating self-compassion into OCD treatment isn’t about getting rid of OCD symptoms. It’s about changing the internal dialogue from one of criticism to one of understanding and support. By doing so, individuals can break free from the cycle of shame and compulsions, paving the way for recovery and resilience. I have linked Dr. Kristin Neff’s self-compassion website here. This page offers free self-compassion meditations, tools, and journal exercises. I often share this page with my clients, so I hope this resource can help you start to build a new and improved relationship with yourself!
© 2025 Dr. Melissa Jermann Psychology Services LLC - All Rights Reserved - Disclaimer: This site should not be construed as therapeutic recommendations or personalized advice. Interaction with this blog does not constitute a therapeutic relationship. This blog aims to provide general information for educational purposes only. It is not intended or implied to supplement or replace the advice of your mental health professional. This information should not be used to self-diagnose mental health conditions. Consult with your mental health provider before implementing anything read here.
